Dr Kureha's 10 Tips for Maintaining Youth and Beauty
by Sarcasticles
Summary: Ever wonder how Kureha's managed to keep her great looks even though she's 141 years old? Well, read and find out the secrets of youth.


1. Drink plenty of water

"Damn it Chopper!" Kureha hissed. "Transform, come on…I need you to transform."

"Doctor Hiliruk?" The deluded reindeer whispered. Swearing again, Kureha retook his temperature. 104 degrees. Damn it. Damn it all to Hell.

"Chopper, you'll transform right now, or you won't be my student anymore!" Kureha said, desperation creeping into her voice. For three days she had been treating him as his illness had progressed. Had he been a human Kureha would have been able to cure him, no problems at all. But Chopper was not a human; and his uncontrolled transformations after his drug induced rampage were wreaking havoc on his systems and he was dangerously dehydrated.

"I'm…going to cure everything. No more…no more sickness."

"Idiot! You won't cure anything if you're dead. Now transform!"

Sluggishly her idiot son looked up at her and gave a weak smile. "Have you seen the cherry blossoms? I did, and they were real pretty. I'd like to see them again."

Kureha felt physically ill. She was a doctor, the best in the world. She knew that sometimes things happened, and that patient's died. But this…she had to save him.

Finally, Chopper shuddered and transformed into his full human state. Wasting no time, Kureha restarted his IV and began running fluids as fast as she could push them, praying that he would not change again. When he woke up, they were going to have a heart to heart about the danger of playing with unauthorized drugs.

Hanging another bag of fluids Kureha shook her head at his idiocy, and deep down wondered how in the Hell he had managed to do it in the first place.

2. Eat a balanced diet

"Chopper! What have I told you about eating too many sweets?" Kureha admonished. With a swift movement she swiped the cookie from Chopper's unsuspecting hooves.

"But...it was sugar free." Using his big, deer eyes to maximum effect, Chopper gave her his most pathetic look.

Kureha was unimpressed. "No. No deserts before dinner. Besides you need a more balanced diet, all you eat is vegetables!

"I'm a reindeer!" Chopper exclaimed.

"Yes, but that Devil Fruit of yours has completely changed your nutritional needs. You need to add more protein to your meals." Kureha said sternly. Marching over to her stove, she grabbed a plate and slapped on a hunk of meat.

"What's that?" He asked timidly.

"Deer steak."

They say hindsight is 20/20, and it was only as Chopper ran away screaming that Kureha realized she may have taken the wrong approach to the little reindeer's nutritional needs.

3. Reduce stress

Rubbing her temples, Kureha looked at the masked doctor with exasperation. "Let me get this straight…You're saying that the king is closing down the hospital?"

The doctor, who had just gotten out of school and was in his first year of practice, gulped loudly. "Yes Dr. Kureha."

"And Wapol says we have to register with him, or we'll be exiled or executed?"

"Yes doctor."

Kureha stared at him for a moment before bursting out laughing.

"What? Doctor, I don't understand." The nervous boy said.

Continuing to laugh, Kureha threw off her white lab coat and tossed it at the hapless man. "You can tell the king to screw himself. I don't work for idiots; it's too much stress."

"He'll kill you!"

"Hehehe, he'll have to find me first. I like my chances."

4. Take a proactive approach to life's problems

"Who are you, and why are you force feeding that man frog spawn?"

The man in the top had and ratty cloak jumped and whipped around. Kureha didn't recognize him (and who could forget hair like that?). Crossing her arms, she gave him her most intimidating glare.

"Oh, hi there, didn't hear you," the main said, fumbling with his equipment. Behind him, his patient groaned in pain, "Name's Hiliruk. I'm the new doctor to the area."

"Alright. Now what in the world are you doing, shoving spawn down that man's throat? He obviously has a broken arm."

"Is that what that was?" Hiliruk said excitedly, "I didn't know for sure, and a little frog spawn never hurt anyone. What do you say, want to partner up?"

Kureha narrowed her eyes before kicking the quack out to the curb. As she reset the broken arm she swore that if she ever saw that man again, she would make sure he couldn't ever practice medicine again.

5. Live at a high altitude

Kureha looked forlornly at the burnt husk of a tree that she had called home for years. Those bastard pirates, led by some no-name hotshot had decimated the countryside. The king, his most trusted officials, and the Isshi-20 had turn tail and fled at the first sign of trouble. Now that dolt Dalton was all that was left of Drum's government.

That being said, Wapol's absence was probably the best thing to happen to the country for years.

Flipping her sunglasses over her eyes, Kureha turned to address an exhausted looking Chopper. Being the only two doctors (well, one doctor, one trainee) in Drum after the attack had kept them very busy indeed.

"Buck up Chopper. We're moving." Kureha said.

"Where can we go, Doctorine?"

After a moment's thought, Kureha grinned. "I hear there's a very nice property on the top of the mountains. The altitude can do wonders for your cardio-pulmonary system, ya know."

It took Chopper's tired mind a few minutes to understand what she was saying. "We're going to the castle?! We can't live in the castle!"

"Why not? It's not as if there's anyone there now. Hurry up Chopper, it's getting chilly and we have a long walk ahead of us."

6. Exercise regularly

"Crazy witch! Get away from me; I don't need your help!"

Kureha ignored the ignorant civilian. It was obvious to anyone with one iota of medical knowledge that the man was in the early stages of an upper respirary. With a yelp, the man noticed she had no intention of leaving him alone and bolted out the door.

She chased him out into the street. He was a fast little bugger, but between his illness and the cold air he was quickly rendered short of breath. Still, he insisted on tearing around town like a madman, forcing Kureha to follow.

The other villagers gave them a wide birth, and after a moment she saw her chance. Reaching into her coat, Kureha pulled out one of her scalpels. After taking aim, she threw the blade.

"Holy shit!" The man swore, skidding to a stop. The scalpel hadn't even come close to hitting him, but had none the less caught his attention. "All right, I give up!" He exclaimed, raising his hands above his head like a criminal who had been caught by the police.

"Hehehe," Kureha cackled. Smugly she noted how badly he was panting, while her own respirations remained even and unlabored.

Not bad for a lady nearly one hundred years his senior.

7. Get plenty of sleep

"Kureha, are you paying attention?"

Blinking, Kureha looked up at her peeved looking teacher. All around the lecture hall students started snickering.

"What?" Kureha demanded, feeling slightly cranky. She had been up till four in the morning preparing for an organic chem test. Ethics class seemed like the perfect place to catch up on her sleep, and the teacher had woke her up just when she had finally drifted off.

"I asked if you were paying any attention." The teacher repeated, sounding flustered at her insubordination.

"No, I wasn't," Kureha said flatly, "Now let me sleep!"

8. Drink a glass (or two or three) of wine every day

"You really are an idiot."

"You keep saying that, it's almost endearing." Hiliruk rasped, breaking into another coughing fit.

"It's not meant to be. Now drink this." Hiliruk looked suspiciously at the glass, and Kureha rolled her eyes, "It's poppy. It'll suppress the cough." She explained.

Nodding, Hiliruk drank the liquid. Grimacing, he handed the cup back, "That tasted awful. It must work good."

Reaching for her own bottle of wine, Kureha sighed. Pausing to take a deep drink she looked over Hiliruk again with a critical eye. It was obvious his illness was getting worse, these days he could hardly talk without breaking out into a violent cough. His noncompliant behavior didn't help matters, of course. Every once in a while Kureha would hear the faintest echoes of an explosion as the quack searched for his miracle cure. Bed rest and Hiliruk went together like oil and water.

"You really should rest more often." She pointed out.

"And you should retire." He retorted.

"I am young, and in good health. You, on the other hand, threaten to infect everyone on a ten mile radius with a horrible disease."

"And you're an old skinflint with the bedside manner of an ape."

"Quack."

"Hag."

For a while there was silence. Finally Kureha grinned and finished off her bottle. "How's your little shadow?"

"Who, Chopper? He's amazing. To be able to trust again after what we humans did, it's nothing short of remarkable. I should really have you two meet, I think he'd like you." Hiliruk said with pride.

"I'll drink to that."

9. Keep your mind sharp

Kureha was surrounded by books. Medical texts, scientific journals, and memoirs of the greatest minds ever to enter the field of medicine filled her rooms. The other children made fun of how much she read, but her parents were proud.

"You keep this up, and someday you'll save some poor soul's life." Her mother said fondly, patting her head.

When she got old enough to enter school, Kureha spent the majority of her time in the library. Even her fellow peers were put off by her study habits.

They didn't understand. Sure, they may all someday be doctors, but she would be the best. No patient of hers would die because of her ignorance. Kureha swore to learn every known cure, treatment, and remedy known to man, even if it took a hundred years. There was _always_ something more to be learned, and to forget that was both foolish and ignorant.

As she entered practice, Kureha made sure to stay on the cutting edge in all the sciences. No source was to obscure, and no page was left forgotten. She strove to know it all.

And it wasn't until that boy with the straw hat climbed up the Drum Rockies with his bare hands for the sake of some girl that she truly appreciated it. Kureha knew that there was literally no one in the world who had the knowledge to save the future Pirate King's navigator.

Well, that wasn't necessarily true. Over the years she had forced every bit of her knowledge and expertise into her protégée. As Kureha sat back and read that papers of the Straw Hat Pirate's exploits, she couldn't help but be smug at the small part she had played in such a man's journey.

10. Laugh a little every day

One hundred years was a long time for anyone. One hundred years. Ten tens. A century.

Kureha was shocked as she looked at the calendar. Today was the anniversary of her first day as a doctor. One hundred years of practice.

She had seen a lot in those one hundred years. Sick children, drug addicts, the mentally ill. Death that had come in a hundred different shapes and sizes.

Her graduating class was gone, either retired or dead or exiled. She had out lasted them all.

Part of her couldn't believe it. The rest of her could feel the weight of it all and knew it had to be true.

Reaching for her bottle, Kureha began to laugh. It started as a giggle, before growing into a full-fledged belly laugh that she couldn't stop even if she tried. It continued until she was forced to sit down.

"Are you alright Doctorine?" Chopper asked cautiously.

Wiping her eyes and suppressing a wheeze, Kureha looked down at her student, the ignorant reindeer Hiliruk had dumped with her.

"I'm fine. Just remembering, that's all."

"Oh. Is that good?"

Contemplating his question, Kureha leaned back in her chair. She had seen horrible pain in her time. She had lived through corrupt kingships and a new age of pirates. There had been those who had died in her care, despite her best efforts. There had been times when the misery had threatened to overwhelm her. But she had also saved thousands, brought babies into the world, and brought a sense of comfort into the lives of the suffering. There was a sense contentment Kureha felt that couldn't quite be explained in words.

The smiling face of the quack doctor flashed through her mind's eye, and Kureha's grin returned.

"Ask me again in a hundred years."

Xxx

AN: As my way of celebrating my first completed care plan of the year, I wrote this instead of studying. Go figure. Also, these are in no particular order in the One Piece timeline, and the thought of Kureha in an ethics class makes me laugh.

Reviews are always appreciated.


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